The first guy
I've felt free to be
Truly myself w/
In a long time
I used to picture myself
As a little girl running
Though the meadows
It stopped after a while
I think after the second
Break
Through
Of my anxiety
I thought
"This is too much"
I should just shut up
Felt like my feelings,
My emotions
Were too raw
Too overwhelming
Not perfect & neat
In a box
I'm not perfect
Everyone still expects me
To be
Bc i acted it so long
But now that that's gone
Let's start with this.
I'm working on being more
Raw
Being more wrong
Cracked, a grace for the Lord to work
In my own humility,
Surrender
& lack of control
It's really not that simple
Tryna "re-learn surrender"
And fall
Childlikenss In the eyes of the Lod
Writing things down,
Being honest,
Not tryna to present this
Missionary version of me
That has no feelings
Even with those men
In the seminary
Have to remind myself
I'm a woman
I'm going to feel
A bit more deeply
These things might hurt me
They might affect me
& that's ok,
That's real.
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